I asked my friend Becky (BECKYLIVES) to read the Beck Diet Solution with me, with the intent of picking the best challenges for use as Wellness Focuses for the next challenge round with the Minion Cadet Squad for BLC 38. We’re supposed to be on day 3 today… but I find myself stuck on day 1.
The Day 1 task is to Record the Advantages of Losing Weight. Should be beyond, simple, right? Especially since I’ve written “WHY” statements for the past 2 challenges, filled with meaningful reasons why I want to lose weight. But yet I’ve dithered over this for the past 3 days.
I discovered earlier today that I was bothered by the author’s use of the word “thin.” I don’t want to be thin – I want to be "healthy." Nine years ago, I was at a healthy weight for me – for the first time in my adult life. It was staggering. I wasn’t prepared mentally to handle my new body. I certainly wasn’t prepared to maintain it. And I still thought I needed to be “thinner” and that took a mighty toll on me, physically and mentally. Then a bunch of stuff happened and my bright, shiny world caved in on me. Over the next 8 years, I gained back all but about 25 pounds of the weight I had lost. The magic was gone.
But the desire to change, the desire to be healthy, the desire to be happy was all smoldering under the surface waiting, just waiting, for the time to be right.
It’s time to find the magic again.
So here we go – Audra’s Advantages to Losing Weight
1) I want to be happy with myself and not be at war with my body. Medical issues and anxiety that stems from these medical issues have not been fun to live with but losing weight should help with the medical issues and the anxiety to a certain extent, because when I feel like I’m in control of my eating and exercising, my anxiety lessens.
2) I HAVE WORTH – and my self-worth increases when I am in control of my eating and exercising on a regular basis. Practicing self-care that helps me lose weight and become more fit is the best way of showing myself that I love and care for myself.
3) I want to have amazing adventures, and I can’t do them comfortably (or at all) at this weight. I want to travel the world, and that will be far easier if I’m healthy, fit, and capable – and can easily fit into an economy airline seat when needed.
4) I want my outside to mirror how I feel on the inside – like I’m a dancer, triathlete, and a badass in the gym. I crave physical and mental strength, flexibility, and endurance.
5) I want to reduce my risks of heart disease, diabetes, and other weight-related complications. I want OFF my blood pressure medications… and I certainly don’t want to take any others for anything else, and I know I have a slightly elevated A1C!
6) I want to fit back into my little black dress! And my old Zumba pants with the samba ribbons!
7) I want to reduce inflammation, help with my nerve issues, boost my immunity, sleep better, have energy, improve my overall mood, and THRIVE. Plus, when I eat well, I don’t have any issues with acid reflux like I sometimes do when I eat crap or eat close to bedtime.
8) I want to have ample energy, not get winded, and be strong, fit, and healthy. I want to reduce my risk of injury from carrying so much weight – and make recovery easier if I do injure myself.
9) Getting back into regular workouts gives me more energy to do all the things that I both NEED and WANT to do - even though it takes time, it gives me back feelings of power, strength, and joy - and energy makes energy... and an object in motion tends to stay in motion. I need to be in MOTION!
10) I’ll have more confidence again, I won’t feel self-conscious that people are judging me based on my looks, and I’ll make a better first impression on people. It’s sad that looks matter more than our minds and spirits sometimes, but it’s a reality.
11) I’ll be less inhibited about my body and more apt to try new things, like kayaking, stand-up paddle boarding, zip lining, repelling, and maybe even sky diving with Becky! And I’ll be comfortable riding roller coasters again – or spending multiple days at Disney without being crippled by being on my feet and walking non-stop.
12) I want to strengthen my “resistance” muscle. I can make sure that treats and special occasions fit into my eating plan. But I don’t need to eat when I’m not hungry.
13) I don’t want to be afraid of things. I have so much self-doubt and lack the confidence I had when I was at a healthy weight. I want to reclaim that feeling and love my life.
14) I sometimes eat because I’m emotional, sleepy, or bored. Those aren’t good reasons to eat. And if I eat when I’m upset, I now have the original problem, plus I’m feeling bad for eating when I didn’t need to. And eating to stay awake?!? I just need to go to bed! I need to lose weight and learn not to sabotage myself.
15) I want to be free from the struggles of being overweight and feel like I’m in balance. I don’t want to overeat and feel bad. I don’t want to crave things that aren’t good for me. I want to be in control, not controlled by food or run by bad choices. I am capable of doing this.
16) I want to stop hiding behind the camera lens and be IN the photos… and when I am in the photo, I want to like what I see.
17) I worked my butt off and earned my NASM Personal Training Certification in May. I need to lose weight, figure myself out, and then help others reach their goals, too. I need to walk-the-talk because I think I am uniquely positioned to support people on the journey to health.
18) I feel like my story is just beginning. I want to live a long, healthy, and joy-filled life. Losing weight and caring for my body every way I can is how to make that happen.
I am so different than I was 8 or 9 years ago… in more ways than there are words to tell about it. But the best parts of me are ready to shine again. And the fortitude I’ve gained from surviving it all will carry me through. Thank you to all my Spark Friends who have supported me along the way. I couldn’t do this without you!
August 2009 - At what I now believe is my lowest maintainable weight.
I would love to be this weight again.
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