So I've been thinking about posting another blog for quite some time... thought I'd do it when I reached 100 pounds lost... thought I'd do it when I reached Onederland... but it just didn't happen... so now I'm sitting down to write on my One Year Sparkversary, 02/16/09.
My journey really started on 02/10/09. That's when a number of things came together for me, and I made the decision to live, not die. I was so unhappy, so discontent, so miserable with my life... I hit bottom and knew I needed to change. So I turned over as many new leaves as I could! I decided that I'd SWIM. No more sinking for me... no more drowning myself with food, no more laying around too depressed and worn out to do anything... no more 12+ hour days at work that left me exhausted... I was going to put HEALTH at the top of my list to see what would happen. I decided on that day that I was going to CHANGE my life.
On that day, I wasn't really sure how it was all going to come about... I just knew that something had to give... and it wasn't going to be me for a change! I started by tracking my food in Excel and drinking as much water as I could. Back then, I was trying to get to 150 oz a day and that was a struggle... but I kept drinking! And seeing what I was eating opened my eyes in a way that nothing else could... I had no illusions as to why I was fat... eating a bag of potato chips every 2-3 days and a giant bowl of popcorn every night after pretty much starving yourself during the day can do that to you... especially when you basically got NO physical activity...
A day or two after that, somebody mentioned SparkPeople on a friend's blog on MySpace. SparkPeople? Never heard of it. But it's a weight loss site? Hmmm, I'll have to check that out! Another few days went by, and I sat down at the computer again to check out SparkPeople. I moved in. Plunked myself down here and found a home. Who knew?
That first day, I wandered onto The 100+ Club SparkTeam. Sign-ups for a challenge? I could use a challenge... That's how I became a White Hawk. I found a home within a home in the Nest. Moved in and haven't left there, either! The White Hawks pulled me through those first weeks - when everything was new - when everything was a challenge. But I got the tools I needed, the support I needed, and the ideas I needed to get myself up and running. I learned out to use the Nutrition Tracker and the Fitness Tracker. I learned to eat my freggies! I learned to push myself to exercise - even though 5 minutes of activity in those first weeks left me panting for air... I wasn't going to give up. I wasn't going to let my team down. I was hooked on SparkPeople - this site was EXACTLY what I needed EXACTLY when I needed it.
Soon after that, I found my way into a BLC challenge on the 30-somethings with 100+ pounds to lose. I became an Orange Crusher. There I met additional wonderful friends and challenged myself even more! My community and commitment to my health was growing, and I was losing weight and getting better every day.
One of my good friends from the Crushers decided to start her own SparkTeam after that BLC ended. The Challenge + Motivation = Weight Loss Team was born. And I moved in there to be a Butterfly, too! Challenge and Motivation is just what I needed - I was hitting my stride and starting to notice changes in myself already. No way was I going to stop... I promised myself that I'd do this for myself... that I was going to give it 100% and a chance. I'm so glad that I did.
Because now a year has passed... and I'm still a White Hawk and I'm still an Orange Crusher... and although I'm not currently in a challenge with the Butterflies, I am still active with that team, too. These 3 teams keep me going. They get me past a bad day, a bump in the road. They keep me moving towards an undefined future. They make me stronger, healthier, happier. I owe all 3 teams a lot.
But the funny thing about SparkPeople, is that as much as you give, you get way more back in return. I know I'm racking up a debt here that I won't ever be able to repay. Not that anyone ever asks anything in return. It's just not that kind of place. SparkPeople is a safe haven filled with people who understand the struggles, the temptations, the joys of successes. This place is special.
I wasn't sure quite what I was going to write... I had all these ideas floating around in my head... but nothing solid... knew I just needed to sit down and let the words appear. Right before I started... the Healthy Reflections e-mail popped into my inbox...
Do you accept responsibility for your choices in life?
"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny." - Albert Ellis
Fate? Maybe... because what I was thinking was that I finally took control. I finally decided that I needed to change what I was doing. And I made it my MISSION to do that. I quit making excuses. I wasn't fat because somebody made me fat... I was fat because I made myself fat! And yes, I grew up fat... but it wasn't my family's fault that I was still fat - or gaining! I was doing all that on my own. And if I could make myself fat, couldn't I make myself less fat?
Well, the answer is YES. I have lost 125 pounds in one year. I didn't think that was possible. I remember thinking, wouldn't it be cool to lose 10 pounds a month? But I never thought I could do it. I doubted myself. I feared failure and success! Crazy as that sounds... it's true. But I never gave up, I never gave in, and I kept moving forward. That's the key... just never stop moving... setbacks are temporary... bad days happen... but as long as you keep looking ahead, you'll be okay.
And not only did I lose weight... but I change the way my family ate, too! Since my parents live next door to me, we eat a lot of meals together. Identical food scales sit proudly on the counters in both kitchens - and are constantly in use! As a family, we learned this amazing thing called PORTION CONTROL. I'm proud to say that in 2008, the 3 of us lost a total of 201 pounds. That's a PERSON. That's more than I weigh now! That still boggles my mind... but I'm SO proud of my parents, especially my mom, for embracing a new life with me.
I get asked a lot what my "secret" is... and there's truly no secret. Eat less and be active! Both things get easier as you go along.
But I guess my real "secret" is putting myself first. There are some things I need to do every day for myself. One of the is eat within my ranges. The second is exercise. I make sure I'm active 30 minutes a day. Most days, that's time on my exercise bike in front of the TV, but I do other things on the weekends sometimes, like walks or fitness DVDs. I'm also a big fan of the SparkPeople Bootcamp videos for strength training. I try to do one most days - otherwise I get lax about strength training. (Shame on me!)
If anyone new asks me for tips... I usually say 4 things:
1) Love your Nutrition Tracker. Log EVERY bite you eat. Weigh and measure everything you can. If you have trouble estimating calories, track BEFORE you eat!
2) Drink your water! Water flushes the bad stuff out of your body and keeps your body's systems lubricated! There's truly nothing better for you than water!
3) Exercise! Start off with small steps and build up slowly as your energy and stamina increase. 12 months ago, I couldn't walk on the treadmill for 5 minutes at 2mph without thinking I was going to die. But I kept after it and I got stronger and faster and better.
4) Spark! Make a SparkPage, join a few Teams, and get involved in a Challenge. The support, motivation, and inspiration are all there for your taking! Your SparkFriends will be there for you through the good and the bad. Here, everyone "gets it" and knows what it's like to struggle. If you're involved here, you'll NEVER be able to give back as much as you receive.
I drink nothing but water 99.8% of the time - and A LOT of it. I always make sure I get a minimum of 12 - 15oz servings a day. I use a 30oz jug at work, and most standard drinking glasses hold about 15oz - so I've just adapted that measurement (and use that for my ticker as well). Water is like a wonder-drug for me!
I also watch my BMR number pretty closely. I like seeing the math. I try to eat 100-300 calories less than my BMR and then exercise on top of that. (But at 250 plus, I was trying to beat that by 500 a day.) I've been lucky so far that I've been able to burn about 2 pounds a week doing that. It's getting harder though - and I know my loss will slow down - although my activity levels are coming up - so it's a little bit of a trade off, right now.
I Spark. Every day. For me, being part of a team means a lot. It's one thing to let yourself down... but it's a whole other ball of wax for me if someone else is depending on me. Right now, I'm fortunate to be a co-captain of the Hawks and the Crushers, so these challenge teams really keep me moving forward. Since I believe that leaders should lead by example, I make sure that I never ask anyone to do anything I wouldn't do myself. And I try really hard to set a good example by working hard and losing weight!
This past year has been AMAZING. I never thought my life would change so drastically - in just a year! With change though, comes new challenges - and even new fears... there's always that fear of going backwards... there's always that fear of failure... there's always that fear of the unknown... BUT what I have learned is that these fears don't have power over me like they used to. Six months ago, I was really having a hard time parting with clothes that was TOO BIG. Those "what ifs" can be hard to silence. But my SparkFriends AS ONE told me to get over that and get rid of that clothes! They knew I needed to let go of that to move forward, even when I couldn't see it or believe it.
Right now, I'm between sizes - that XL in Misses or the 1X in Womens grey area. I've NEVER in my adult life shopped outside the "fat ladies" department. NEVER. Neither has my mom... can you imagine what an adventure we're having when we hit the department stores now? And I don't have a perception of myself yet... so I look at something and think well, maybe that will fit... and my mom's in my ear saying, take the next size down - that's too big. Too big? Huh? That's a true story of our last expedition to buy workout clothes... I pulled XL sweatpants off the rack and she said take the Large. She was right. (Why are Mom's always right?) Truly, I think these sweatpants are my favorite items of clothing right now. Who wouldn't love fitting into a large for the first time ever? I mean, I weigh now what I did in the 8th grade. Seriously.
2009 and my next Sparkyear are going to be filled with new challenges. Right now, I'm 14 pounds from being "overweight" according to the BMI chart. I can't wait to be "overweight" - that will be AMAZING.
The next goal I have set though is a tough one for me. I've promised myself, and the Hawks and the Crushers, that I'd get my butt back to the gym once I hit my next mini-goal, which is now 3 pounds away. I want to step-up my strength training and build more muscle and I want to swim again. Stepping back into the gym is hard for me, since I've got some emotional demons I'm battling there... but you know what, I'm going to do it... Thinking about it is probably worse than just doing it... This is a new chapter in my life. It's what I want it to be. I'm done with the past. It's all about NOW.
My goal for the next year is to get to a healthy BMI range. Since I'm not sure how quickly I'll lose as I get closer to goal, I know that will be attainable. And I'm planning on seeing how things go from there. I truly believe that the things I've learned here will carry with me for the rest of my life. I've learned how to eat a serving of something... instead of 3 servings of something. I've learned that if I eat 4-5 mini-meals throughout the day that I can keep my cravings for junk at bay. I've learned that protein and fiber are my friends. I've learned that it's not hard to ride the exercise bike and watch TV at the same time. I've learned that it's pretty easy to make old favorites into healthy new favorites. It's habit to take my multi-vitamin and calcium supplement. It's habit to have my pedometer on me except when I'm sleeping or in the shower! It's habit to eat freggies with every meal. It's habit to have water with me throughout the day - at work, when shopping, when sitting at the computer. It's habit to have 4 or 5 soy crisps when I HAVE TO HAVE something. Those little crisps are only 25-30 calories for 4-5 crisps and they soooooo take me out of the craving zone with their mighty protein kick!
And I've learned lots of good lessons, too... Like I will probably always struggle with getting enough sleep, but that I feel better when I do. I will probably always struggle with stress, but I feel better when I manage it well by trying not to worry about things I can't control. I will probably always struggle with sodium, but that I can eat low-sodium when I put my mind to it. I've learned that weight loss is more than just eating better and being active... that it's a whole package... and if you only do good in one or two areas, it's sometimes not enough. You've got to put the puzzle together to see the whole picture. I've learned that losing weight is AT LEAST 50% mental - not just physical. I've learned that when you DON'T want to exercise is probably the time when you NEED to most. And I've learned that you can burn yourself out... so it's super important to make sure you take time to feed your soul, too. And I've learned that losing weight doesn't solve all the problems in the world. It makes you healtier and more able and more confident in some ways... but it doesn't make money fall from the sky, it doesn't mean that you don't still have to work at relationships, and it doesn't mean that you're invincible. But it does make you grateful for every day you're given. And that's a blessing worth having.
Well... I'm sure everyone is tired of reading by now... so I'm going to wrap this up with a GIANT THANK YOU to everyone who has been a part of my journey. I couldn't have done this without SparkPeople and the amazing people who make up this community. You've all touched my life - and helped me live again.
Audra
My journey really started on 02/10/09. That's when a number of things came together for me, and I made the decision to live, not die. I was so unhappy, so discontent, so miserable with my life... I hit bottom and knew I needed to change. So I turned over as many new leaves as I could! I decided that I'd SWIM. No more sinking for me... no more drowning myself with food, no more laying around too depressed and worn out to do anything... no more 12+ hour days at work that left me exhausted... I was going to put HEALTH at the top of my list to see what would happen. I decided on that day that I was going to CHANGE my life.
On that day, I wasn't really sure how it was all going to come about... I just knew that something had to give... and it wasn't going to be me for a change! I started by tracking my food in Excel and drinking as much water as I could. Back then, I was trying to get to 150 oz a day and that was a struggle... but I kept drinking! And seeing what I was eating opened my eyes in a way that nothing else could... I had no illusions as to why I was fat... eating a bag of potato chips every 2-3 days and a giant bowl of popcorn every night after pretty much starving yourself during the day can do that to you... especially when you basically got NO physical activity...
A day or two after that, somebody mentioned SparkPeople on a friend's blog on MySpace. SparkPeople? Never heard of it. But it's a weight loss site? Hmmm, I'll have to check that out! Another few days went by, and I sat down at the computer again to check out SparkPeople. I moved in. Plunked myself down here and found a home. Who knew?
That first day, I wandered onto The 100+ Club SparkTeam. Sign-ups for a challenge? I could use a challenge... That's how I became a White Hawk. I found a home within a home in the Nest. Moved in and haven't left there, either! The White Hawks pulled me through those first weeks - when everything was new - when everything was a challenge. But I got the tools I needed, the support I needed, and the ideas I needed to get myself up and running. I learned out to use the Nutrition Tracker and the Fitness Tracker. I learned to eat my freggies! I learned to push myself to exercise - even though 5 minutes of activity in those first weeks left me panting for air... I wasn't going to give up. I wasn't going to let my team down. I was hooked on SparkPeople - this site was EXACTLY what I needed EXACTLY when I needed it.
Soon after that, I found my way into a BLC challenge on the 30-somethings with 100+ pounds to lose. I became an Orange Crusher. There I met additional wonderful friends and challenged myself even more! My community and commitment to my health was growing, and I was losing weight and getting better every day.
One of my good friends from the Crushers decided to start her own SparkTeam after that BLC ended. The Challenge + Motivation = Weight Loss Team was born. And I moved in there to be a Butterfly, too! Challenge and Motivation is just what I needed - I was hitting my stride and starting to notice changes in myself already. No way was I going to stop... I promised myself that I'd do this for myself... that I was going to give it 100% and a chance. I'm so glad that I did.
Because now a year has passed... and I'm still a White Hawk and I'm still an Orange Crusher... and although I'm not currently in a challenge with the Butterflies, I am still active with that team, too. These 3 teams keep me going. They get me past a bad day, a bump in the road. They keep me moving towards an undefined future. They make me stronger, healthier, happier. I owe all 3 teams a lot.
But the funny thing about SparkPeople, is that as much as you give, you get way more back in return. I know I'm racking up a debt here that I won't ever be able to repay. Not that anyone ever asks anything in return. It's just not that kind of place. SparkPeople is a safe haven filled with people who understand the struggles, the temptations, the joys of successes. This place is special.
I wasn't sure quite what I was going to write... I had all these ideas floating around in my head... but nothing solid... knew I just needed to sit down and let the words appear. Right before I started... the Healthy Reflections e-mail popped into my inbox...
Do you accept responsibility for your choices in life?
"The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny." - Albert Ellis
Fate? Maybe... because what I was thinking was that I finally took control. I finally decided that I needed to change what I was doing. And I made it my MISSION to do that. I quit making excuses. I wasn't fat because somebody made me fat... I was fat because I made myself fat! And yes, I grew up fat... but it wasn't my family's fault that I was still fat - or gaining! I was doing all that on my own. And if I could make myself fat, couldn't I make myself less fat?
Well, the answer is YES. I have lost 125 pounds in one year. I didn't think that was possible. I remember thinking, wouldn't it be cool to lose 10 pounds a month? But I never thought I could do it. I doubted myself. I feared failure and success! Crazy as that sounds... it's true. But I never gave up, I never gave in, and I kept moving forward. That's the key... just never stop moving... setbacks are temporary... bad days happen... but as long as you keep looking ahead, you'll be okay.
And not only did I lose weight... but I change the way my family ate, too! Since my parents live next door to me, we eat a lot of meals together. Identical food scales sit proudly on the counters in both kitchens - and are constantly in use! As a family, we learned this amazing thing called PORTION CONTROL. I'm proud to say that in 2008, the 3 of us lost a total of 201 pounds. That's a PERSON. That's more than I weigh now! That still boggles my mind... but I'm SO proud of my parents, especially my mom, for embracing a new life with me.
I get asked a lot what my "secret" is... and there's truly no secret. Eat less and be active! Both things get easier as you go along.
But I guess my real "secret" is putting myself first. There are some things I need to do every day for myself. One of the is eat within my ranges. The second is exercise. I make sure I'm active 30 minutes a day. Most days, that's time on my exercise bike in front of the TV, but I do other things on the weekends sometimes, like walks or fitness DVDs. I'm also a big fan of the SparkPeople Bootcamp videos for strength training. I try to do one most days - otherwise I get lax about strength training. (Shame on me!)
If anyone new asks me for tips... I usually say 4 things:
1) Love your Nutrition Tracker. Log EVERY bite you eat. Weigh and measure everything you can. If you have trouble estimating calories, track BEFORE you eat!
2) Drink your water! Water flushes the bad stuff out of your body and keeps your body's systems lubricated! There's truly nothing better for you than water!
3) Exercise! Start off with small steps and build up slowly as your energy and stamina increase. 12 months ago, I couldn't walk on the treadmill for 5 minutes at 2mph without thinking I was going to die. But I kept after it and I got stronger and faster and better.
4) Spark! Make a SparkPage, join a few Teams, and get involved in a Challenge. The support, motivation, and inspiration are all there for your taking! Your SparkFriends will be there for you through the good and the bad. Here, everyone "gets it" and knows what it's like to struggle. If you're involved here, you'll NEVER be able to give back as much as you receive.
I drink nothing but water 99.8% of the time - and A LOT of it. I always make sure I get a minimum of 12 - 15oz servings a day. I use a 30oz jug at work, and most standard drinking glasses hold about 15oz - so I've just adapted that measurement (and use that for my ticker as well). Water is like a wonder-drug for me!
I also watch my BMR number pretty closely. I like seeing the math. I try to eat 100-300 calories less than my BMR and then exercise on top of that. (But at 250 plus, I was trying to beat that by 500 a day.) I've been lucky so far that I've been able to burn about 2 pounds a week doing that. It's getting harder though - and I know my loss will slow down - although my activity levels are coming up - so it's a little bit of a trade off, right now.
I Spark. Every day. For me, being part of a team means a lot. It's one thing to let yourself down... but it's a whole other ball of wax for me if someone else is depending on me. Right now, I'm fortunate to be a co-captain of the Hawks and the Crushers, so these challenge teams really keep me moving forward. Since I believe that leaders should lead by example, I make sure that I never ask anyone to do anything I wouldn't do myself. And I try really hard to set a good example by working hard and losing weight!
This past year has been AMAZING. I never thought my life would change so drastically - in just a year! With change though, comes new challenges - and even new fears... there's always that fear of going backwards... there's always that fear of failure... there's always that fear of the unknown... BUT what I have learned is that these fears don't have power over me like they used to. Six months ago, I was really having a hard time parting with clothes that was TOO BIG. Those "what ifs" can be hard to silence. But my SparkFriends AS ONE told me to get over that and get rid of that clothes! They knew I needed to let go of that to move forward, even when I couldn't see it or believe it.
Right now, I'm between sizes - that XL in Misses or the 1X in Womens grey area. I've NEVER in my adult life shopped outside the "fat ladies" department. NEVER. Neither has my mom... can you imagine what an adventure we're having when we hit the department stores now? And I don't have a perception of myself yet... so I look at something and think well, maybe that will fit... and my mom's in my ear saying, take the next size down - that's too big. Too big? Huh? That's a true story of our last expedition to buy workout clothes... I pulled XL sweatpants off the rack and she said take the Large. She was right. (Why are Mom's always right?) Truly, I think these sweatpants are my favorite items of clothing right now. Who wouldn't love fitting into a large for the first time ever? I mean, I weigh now what I did in the 8th grade. Seriously.
2009 and my next Sparkyear are going to be filled with new challenges. Right now, I'm 14 pounds from being "overweight" according to the BMI chart. I can't wait to be "overweight" - that will be AMAZING.
The next goal I have set though is a tough one for me. I've promised myself, and the Hawks and the Crushers, that I'd get my butt back to the gym once I hit my next mini-goal, which is now 3 pounds away. I want to step-up my strength training and build more muscle and I want to swim again. Stepping back into the gym is hard for me, since I've got some emotional demons I'm battling there... but you know what, I'm going to do it... Thinking about it is probably worse than just doing it... This is a new chapter in my life. It's what I want it to be. I'm done with the past. It's all about NOW.
My goal for the next year is to get to a healthy BMI range. Since I'm not sure how quickly I'll lose as I get closer to goal, I know that will be attainable. And I'm planning on seeing how things go from there. I truly believe that the things I've learned here will carry with me for the rest of my life. I've learned how to eat a serving of something... instead of 3 servings of something. I've learned that if I eat 4-5 mini-meals throughout the day that I can keep my cravings for junk at bay. I've learned that protein and fiber are my friends. I've learned that it's not hard to ride the exercise bike and watch TV at the same time. I've learned that it's pretty easy to make old favorites into healthy new favorites. It's habit to take my multi-vitamin and calcium supplement. It's habit to have my pedometer on me except when I'm sleeping or in the shower! It's habit to eat freggies with every meal. It's habit to have water with me throughout the day - at work, when shopping, when sitting at the computer. It's habit to have 4 or 5 soy crisps when I HAVE TO HAVE something. Those little crisps are only 25-30 calories for 4-5 crisps and they soooooo take me out of the craving zone with their mighty protein kick!
And I've learned lots of good lessons, too... Like I will probably always struggle with getting enough sleep, but that I feel better when I do. I will probably always struggle with stress, but I feel better when I manage it well by trying not to worry about things I can't control. I will probably always struggle with sodium, but that I can eat low-sodium when I put my mind to it. I've learned that weight loss is more than just eating better and being active... that it's a whole package... and if you only do good in one or two areas, it's sometimes not enough. You've got to put the puzzle together to see the whole picture. I've learned that losing weight is AT LEAST 50% mental - not just physical. I've learned that when you DON'T want to exercise is probably the time when you NEED to most. And I've learned that you can burn yourself out... so it's super important to make sure you take time to feed your soul, too. And I've learned that losing weight doesn't solve all the problems in the world. It makes you healtier and more able and more confident in some ways... but it doesn't make money fall from the sky, it doesn't mean that you don't still have to work at relationships, and it doesn't mean that you're invincible. But it does make you grateful for every day you're given. And that's a blessing worth having.
Well... I'm sure everyone is tired of reading by now... so I'm going to wrap this up with a GIANT THANK YOU to everyone who has been a part of my journey. I couldn't have done this without SparkPeople and the amazing people who make up this community. You've all touched my life - and helped me live again.
Audra
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